She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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