he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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