You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
