last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize