my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
