Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
