I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
