this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize