I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.