You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen