maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends