i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dating After Heartbreak
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.