Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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