just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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