omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
