We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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