I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
