just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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