my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
