can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
