I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
