As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
