We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
