You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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