you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
