too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
