Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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