Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
