clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
