hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
