Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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