I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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