If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You may now shotgun with the bride
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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