I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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