2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
