Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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