My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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