Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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