can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need moral support for this bender
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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