dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
