Someone shit on the floor
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
