i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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