dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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