im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
