the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
