so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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