oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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