You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
