I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
