My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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