My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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