do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
