Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
