I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
