Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
