I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
