mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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