he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dignity is for republicans.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
