Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Non-Jews are for practice
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
