Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
