You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
