dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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