This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
