i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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