glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
