I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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