Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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